Its well documented that I am hilarious, that I try my very best to live a life in Yoga and that I love donuts!
Also I have to ad a disclaimer her... that I firmly believe that you live a life in yoga, yoga is not something that we go to or just do for an hour a day give or take....
Regardless of where you are in the world there are always yoga puns jokes was to make the practices a little lighter, but you gotta know your audience..... So this is a collection of one liners that register varying degrees of funny on the hilarity meter.
Without further adieu I hope you get a giggle out of this list or feel at least one of these are relevant to your yoga practice because at some point or another I feel they have been relevant to mine!!
1. “I’ve got 99 problems and I’m gonna go to yoga to hide from all of them” Although I've got 99 problems and I am going to yoga so that they all bubble up in under an hour..... is probably more likely...
2. “Yoga class helps me calm down from the stress of trying to get to yoga class on time.” Fact
3. “Sorry for what I said before I went to yoga” This used to be true but now thanks to yoga I am humaning better
4. “Alignment: Check yourself before you wreck yourself.” Check in with you, there is no perfect alignment there is only what perfect for you in that moment.
5. “If you fall. I’ll be there. – Love, Mat. “ I love all my mats & would like to meet potential available Matt's
6. “Rolling with my OMies.” Needless to say this was the perfect tag line for my cafe Omies ....also It was a line from the movie Clueless with Alicia Silverstone and the much missed Brittany Murphy
7. “Any yoga I do is “Hot Yoga.” Well it used to be, but I moved on and so did my body
8. “Yoga instructor just emailed to say class is moved and thanks for your flexibility.”
9. “Yoga? Humour? Hmmmm… I think it’s a stretch!” Oh no its not... I am hilarious when I teach
10. “The only thing getting lit tonight is my Palo Santo.” Has anyone actually tried to light Palo Santo???
11. “You are one yoga class away from a good mood.” Tried tested and true, true, true
12. “When in doubt, yoga it out.” My mum said "if in doubt don't" but I think that I get what she means ... thanks yoga
13. “Mondays, nothing a bit of yoga can’t fix.” Every one knows Monday classes are the BEST
14. “Today’s good mood is sponsored by yoga.” Every god dam day
15. “My yoga mat is a magic carpet. When I’m on it I discover places I never knew existed.” Yup
16. “Be the person your yoga mat thinks you are.” ......... A sweaty mess????
17. “Me to my students every day: I invite you to close your eyes, by the way if you can still see me, it could be a sign that your eyes are still open.” There is always one lol
18. “Namascray: The crazy in me honours and loves the crazy in you.” Oh yeah embracing the wild inner kitty on the daily zero fucks given.
19. “You can’t buy happiness but you can buy a yoga class pass and that’s kind of the same thing.” Then you figure out how economic home practice is!!!
20. “Drop & give me zen.” Oh savasana ..... Savasana is pretty much the only time as an adult you are gonna be told to take a time out, dont waste a moment
21. “Yoga turns me Om.” Yeah these days its all about DIY
22. “Never underestimate a woman with a yoga mat.” Never Ever
23. “I practice yoga because punching people is frowned upon.” Best got on the mat then
24. “Yoga first then all of the things.” I like morning practice for exactly this reason
25. “Please give me enough coffee to change the things I can and yoga to accept the things I cannot.” If you know me you know how much I love my coffee
26. “Metta is betta!” Loving kindness all the way
27. “It’s funny when people think ‘yoga people’ are supposed to be calm. Ah no..... we are here because we’re nuts!” This is usually the reason you roll out the rubber rectangle, and it all gets awesome from that day forward.
28. “Yoga is not about firming your butt, It’s about getting your head out of it.” Here here
29. “I do yoga so that I can stay flexible enough to kick my own ass if necessary.” Some times I need a swift kick, other days I just need support and kindness
30. “Stressed, blessed and yoga obsessed.” Hopefully less of the first thing, which is exactly why I share these three pillars of practice Breathe Bend Sit
31. “I’d love to, but I have yoga in the morning.” How many times have I uttered that exact phrase
32. “Diamonds were once a girl’s best friend. Then yoga happened.” Diamond is my birth stone, and I love diamonds but Yoga changed my life more than any diamond ever did.
33. “Do more yoga. Give less fucks.” Eventually the fucks just drift away
34. “Don’t make me use my yoga instructor voice!” I also have boss lady voice, phone voice, meditation voice, mum voice all the voices
35. “Sometimes in yoga I feel like a graceful swan. Other times, I feel like a blind elephant.” Just as an aside I love the mythology of yoga all the animals are represented, Ganesha especially.
36. “Maybe she’s born with it. Maybe its yoga.” Its always the yoga
37. “Yoga, because some answers can only be found on the inner net.” The world wide web on the inside
38. “Yogasm: That feeling of bliss when you reach samadhi.” I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.....
39. “Lets get it Om.” I can't say this, I have to sing it with my best Barry White impersonation
40. “Yoga. Because coffee can’t fix everything.” Coffee can fix a lot of things but yoga fixes more
41. “Friends don’t let friends skip yoga.” Its the buddy system
42. ‘My greatest achievement is making my yoga pants into my regular pants.” Yoga pants are a gift honestly I don't know any one that doesn't own any...
43. “Yoga: You’ve mastered the selfie. Now master the self.” I cant say I have mastered either I am a work in progress
44. “Namaste in bed.” Oh how there i wish there were days when I could.....
45. “Fuck is a form of meditation Sit the fuck down, shut the fuck up" sometimes you just have to
46. “Get your ass to yoga – Love, The Universe.” You know its good for you
47, “Wow my yoga teacher knows exactly how long five deep breaths are. Said no one ever.” Guilty
48. “Body type: Does yoga but definitely likes doughnuts.” As previously mentioned 49. “People say yoga will change your life. I think that’s a bit of a stretch.” Who ever said that is obviously not practicing yoga
50. “Namaste all damn day.” Honestly I think we are way past the namaste puns.
51. “I do yoga to burn off the crazy.” Are you burning off the crazy or are you fuelling the fire?
52. “Yoga. Because without it adulting would be impossible.” It should be a subject in school
53. “You’re my reason to get up in the morning. Just kidding. I have yoga.” Lucky I have yoga cause there ain't no one else in my bed except my dog Charlie
54. “I don’t trust anyone who doesn’t like pizza, puppies or yoga.” Well thats a given
55. “If cauliflower can become pizza, then you can certainly do a handstand one day.” Its a possibility of its something that you want to do, but you don't have to do a handstand or eat cauliflower to live a life in Yoga
56. “Yoga is kind of like a taco. Your shell will break, it may be messy at times but getting to the good stuff is totally worth it.” I love tacos
57. “Yoga teacher: I have some fun things in store for todays class. Me: So..we’re going to die” I secretly love it when they say that it lights me up!!
58. “Focus on your third eye..... What if I’m Third Eye Blind?”
59. “Yoga is not about touching your toes. It is what you learn on the way down.” But your lower back and hamstrings will love you for it!
60. “Fitness level: Just used a yoga DVD as a coaster for my wine glass" I choose not to drink because i just cat deal with my liver processing it between 1 -3 am and waking me up and also hang overs last way too long
61. “Did you know that just 10 minutes of yoga per day can seriously reduce your risk of caring about what people think.” You should be too blissed out to notice!
62. “A day without yoga is like a sundae without sprinkles” a hot fudge any day Sunday.
63. “Sometimes you need yoga. Other times you need wine. Sometimes you need both.” Its all about balance
64. “Did you know that 10 to 60 minutes of yoga per day can reduce your risk of not giving a crap?”
65. “At my first yoga class, and super excited because everyone has a nap mat.” Its like kindergarten without the paint and the safety scissors
66. Yoga pants. Because jeans are stressful and you don’t need that in your life.” I love jeans and I sm not telling you how many pair that I own.
67. “Some days you eat salads and do yoga. Some days you eat cupcakes and refuse to put on pants. It’s called balance.”
68. “Diamonds were once a girl’s best friend then yoga pants happened.” I should have equal amounts of both
69. “Forget diamonds, just give me yoga pants.” Why cant I have both?
70. “I was sad, so I ordered new yoga clothes. I’m ok now.” This is actually just filling a void , this is the reason that you should be breathing bending and sitting
71. “If I can’t wear yoga pants, I’m not going.” Not entirely true but sometimes I forget to get out of them and get into adulting clothes alot.
72. “I do Yoga to relieve stress… Just kidding I drink wine in yoga pants.” I have drunk wine in yoga pants.... just not for a few years...
73. “I’m not napping. This is savasana!” or Yoga Nidra or Breathwork you can easily take an adult time out!
74. “The hardest part of yoga class is wiggling your fingers and toes after five minutes of Savasana.” I personally like this part, it lets me know that I did in deed drift of in to la la land and loose track of time.....
75. “Thanks to yoga, I now gently stretch to conclusions rather than jumping to them.“ Yoga is about making your way back to self governance. Yoga gives you the space to make observations and draw your own conclusions.
76. “Wake Up. Kick Asana” It will be like this at first but eventually over time you will soften xxx
77. "Photographers get people to pose for them. Yoga teachers get people pose for themselves.” You're only ever working on your self in your yoga practices
78. “Life is better when you bend.” I am living proof that life is better when you bend, I have a circle of friends that will attest to this too,
79. “Yoga: I’m down dog.” My monkey mind does Snoop Dog voice when I hear this
80. “I bend so I don’t break.” I actually used this line in a adult discussion, I often reflect on it because all of the bending has changed my life in ways I couldn't have imagined.
81. “More stretching, less stressing.” Breathe Bend Sit Sustain
I hope you had pun reading that list
I would love to know if I missed any... feel free to comment below!
xxxkit