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  • Writer's picturekit cat

10 things I hate about Bali.

Updated: May 2, 2022

This month has been a week of upheaval and change, moved house, had a birthday, closed a profitable cafe, sold all the cafe stuff and ate too much pizza. The highlight of this last week was moving the espresso machine to my house and having it serviced, espresso coffee in my kitchen, in my kitchen!!!!

Next week I am spending 7 days learning to surf properly ( can do it but I am less than fabulous at it) before I welcome students to morning coffee and yoga. Upheavals yes but I feel good about the change. The champagne from 2020 is spending its 3 birthday in my fridge.

Bali is a pretty good place and I am pretty blessed to live on this tropical island paradise with Charlie Bali, friends, yoga, kirtan, great coffee, awesome food, amazing beaches, a Circle K on every corner and a giant blow up pineapple to float around in in the pool. This week is Idul Fitri and all the warungs I go to are owned by Muslim people and they are on holidays for a week. Probs shoulda put a little thought into what I am going to eat this week cause the people that one those warungs are on holidays, but that still doesn't make it to the 10 things I hate about Bali

Honestly I could write Canggu 10 times and be done with this blog but there are a few other things that come to mind, so in the interest of you reading this blog and learning or laughing at or with me and my experiences I shall list the 10.

1. Canggu: Ok so this did make it to the number one spot, several things that will appear in this list appear by the bucket load in Canggu. I am allergic to `Canggu. the traffic, loud bikes, half naked people on the loud bikes that supposedly live in Bali who have actually only been here two weeks and have never left the Gu let a lone eaten Indonesian food. It gets a big no from me just google digital nomad Canggu. Nuff said.

2. Loud bikes: For the love of two good ears and hearing into old age the people FFS give loud bikes the fuck up. Loud bikes serve no purpose except to makes us all thing that you have a junior peepee. Taking the dampener or the baffle; thats the thingy that stops sound pollution and actual pollution coming out the back of your scoopy is not going to improve its performance. Racing aforementioned loud bikes around Bali is unsafe think dogs, traffic, uneven potholed roads and children small streets and random weaving traffic.

3. MAAAASSSSSAAAAAAGGGGGGGEEEEEEEEE. probably don't need to explain that one.

4. Plastic plastic plastic and more plastic on the beach in the rivers in the shops and in the bins. If you are coming to Bali be thoughtful bring a keep cup for your take away coffee or tea, a refillable water bottle, f you are living here get your gallons water bottles exchanged in stead of buying plastic bottles at the local circle K. Carry reusable shopping bags, eat in instead of getting take away or at least check they are not delivering in polystyrene and plastic. This is a single use economy its cheaper to buy IndoMie than it is to get and cook rice. There are some awesome amazing groups like Sungai Watch and 4Oceans that are helping clean up. but we all need to do a little more.

5. Instagramable restaurants that serve flavourless food, seriously its a thing. When you arrive in a cool new venue and you think man this looks amazing. You order something that sounds delicious and arrives looking pretty on the plate, your mouth waters, you take a bite and your tastebuds now no longer wish to renew the lease on your tongue. Its disappointing and unfortunately usually expensive. There is so much good produce here yet I have heard restaurant owners that actually care more about the TikTokkiness or instagramability of their venue as opposed to the flavour of the food. Dat be a let down.

6. Bali traffic OMG. I forgot how hideous this can be and all the blue cabs are not back on the road yet and the cars seam to be bigger??? I am already having momentary flash backs to those two magical peaceful pandemical years where I would be the only scooter on Sunset Road......ahhhh the good old days.

7. Spiritual by-passers and SGL's (spiritual gas-lighters). Them being teachers and sharers of practice that don't take their yoga or any other practices that they may have spent years supposedly studying practicing and imparting to their hungry for personal growth students with them. Ya we live here because maybe we don't fit in or are wanting of a different life for ourselves..... but my mum would say practice what you preach she would also say honestly is the best policy or just don't be a cunt??? To be fair mum never said the "C" word that as most definitely me. All completely applicable here way to often. I am not sure why I am constantly surprised and the number of twats there are in Bali. I get we are all on a learning journey but sweet baby Ganesha.

8. Paying $6.50 for a glass of coconut water with ice which is 1/4 of a coconut when you know full well that the whole coconut was $1 (Corner House I am looking at you) I am team pasar every time.

9. Harga Bule (tourist priced) in the pasar and really any time you shop anywhere that isn't a shopping centre with swinging price tags. Even with some serious language skills you still get harga buled. Its just something that you learn to live with well kinda

10. International customs taxes on all your mail. This can be anywhere between 25% and 75% of what ever it is your loving family or your annoyed customers who cant read your sizing charts have sent you. Plus what ever the fee is should the post man be able to fit it on his scooter. Occasional there is a lamington drive style post office run where you arrive at one post office only to find your parcel has been transported to another location, and another location, and another location, and potentially one more location until you are sweaty, dirty pissed off and poor yet in possession of a your package.

Just a reminder that I do love living here, I love all of it. Except Canggu which I am allergic too seriously don't go there.

Would love to hear what your least favourite Bali buts are, let me know in the blog comments below!


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